Plain Language Letter

I am pleased my 2023 letter to the Times Colonist editor was published.

I see however that my wording is awkward. So I wondered what wording others would use. Courtesy of ChatGPT, my point is expressed in the style of Winston Churchill, Rex Murphy, Conrad Black, Mark Steyn and Donald Trump.

Winston Churchill style: It is with great dismay that I perused your news reports concerning the restrictions on public alcohol consumption. It seems that regardless of the use of plain language, the reader is left with a resounding image of the decree: “no drinking in public”. However, what I find most concerning is the omission of plain language pertaining to public drug consumption in your news report dated April 22nd. In order to convey a clear and effective message, it is imperative that your next news report includes plain language to give a proper depiction of restrictions on public drug consumption, such as: “no injecting in public”.

Rex Murphy style: Well, well, well. What have we here? It seems that in news reports about restrictions on public alcohol consumption, the message is crystal clear to readers, whether or not plain language is used: “no drinking in public.” However, I must say I’m flabbergasted that your April 22nd news report was lacking plain language when it came to public drug consumption. It’s time to cut the baloney and give it to us straight. If you want to provide a good picture of public drug consumption, include plain language in your next news report. How about this: “no injecting in public.” It’s not rocket science, folks.

Conrad Black style: In perusing the news reports regarding constraints on imbibing in public, a reader assimilates the “no drinking in public” motif regardless of whether the language is rendered in plain parlance or not. Regrettably, your news report of April 22nd omitted any plain language relating to the consumption of pharmaceuticals in public. Incorporating such vernacular in your forthcoming reportage would effectively convey the constraints on public drug consumption, namely “no injecting in public.”

Mark Steyn style: So here’s the deal, folks: When you read the news reports on clampdowns against swigging in public, you get the message loud and clear, whether or not they spell it out for you in plain language. But hey, what about the hard stuff? That’s right, I’m talking about pharmaceuticals, baby. And as it happens, your April 22nd news report was seriously lacking in any clear, concise language about shooting up in public. You know, just a little something like “no injecting in public.” So, here’s my advice: If you want to get the skinny on restrictions for public drug consumption, how about throwing in a little plain language in your next news report, eh?

Donald Trump style: Look, folks, it’s really quite simple. When you read the news reports about limiting booze in public, you know exactly what they’re talking about, even if they don’t spell it out for you in plain English. But let’s talk about the real issue here: drugs. Your April 22nd news report didn’t have any plain language about doing drugs in public. And that’s a big problem. So, let me tell you, the best way to give people a clear picture about restrictions on public drug consumption is to use plain language. Something like “no injecting in public.” It’s not rocket science, folks, it’s common sense.